My Struggle With Loneliness

     We all have our own struggles. I really wanted to open up about this, because I know this is something that other people can relate too. This is one post that in all honesty has been a painful topic. I have stared at the title and dreaded having to open up some wounds. It is not only painful but incredibly difficult to admit that I struggle with loneliness. I think what makes it so difficult is that I am surrounded by people who love me. How could I have so many people in my life and yet feel so alone? The biggest questions is the why's and how's. It is a constant battle that I have to hand over to God and ask Him to fill the void. After years of struggling with this, I came to the understanding that no one can fill the need like He can.

  I remember for years I prayed for a best friend. Not just any best friend, I wanted the best friend that would call me or text me first. I have so many girlfriends but I always knew that they had a best friend, and some even made that pretty clear. My first taste of loneliness came in middle school. I thought I had friends. I did everything I could just so that I could impress them. Yet with dropping grades and finding the cold hard truth that the people I so desperately wanted as friends, didn't really care. I am not saying that everyone made me feel this way. But when your in middle school.. Kids are tough. When I became homeschooled for my 8th grade to high school, I also got saved. I wanted to make some Christian friends and I longed to just to fit in somewhere. Anywhere. I wanted to be accepted as myself. I started attending biblestudies, I joined the cheerleading squad. Yet, as friendly as some were they didn't see the hurting lonely girl. I remember sitting at cheer practice one time and looking at everyone around me and feeling so out of place. Even at Bible studies, I felt like no one really saw me. Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot. I also loved the girls that I had the opportunity to meet. Yet, I was a very lonely person. This longing to be loved and accepted, brought to my first boyfriend and in the end, I was still as lonely as I was when I entered into it ( more to the story, but that will be a different time). I finally came to a place where I needed to realize that I was looking in all the wrong places. I so desperately wanted a best friend to call my own and I ignored the fact that I indeed had one in Jesus. Once my eyes opened up to the truth that Jesus didn't just die and saved me from the debt of my sins, but He actually longed to be my best friend, in the same way that I was longing for one. 

 I won't lie to you, it is still one of my struggles. I still feel the sting of loneliness. What is different is my response. I had to come to realization that no matter how many friends I had on Facebook, or who follows my Twitter. Jesus is the only best friend I need. Marriage is also not the cure for loneliness either. Before I met my husband that was something that I was convicted on. I was looking to a relationship that is really suppose to be a selfless one and was thinking of how I can cure my loneliness. No human can cure loneliness like Jesus can.  Once I unlocked this truth, I began to realize that Satan was the one who was planting the lies and he was the one that was making me feel lonely. it wasn't the people. I had allowed my self, ( and still do) to fall into the trap of loneliness. I love Psalm 91, the entire chapter is talking about how God is our refuge and our fortress. I may have a battle with loneliness, but the war was won on the cross.

~ Brandy